14: Know Who You Are – Atlas Aultman

The One Question Most People Never Ask Themselves

Atlas Aultman is a former elite military leader who served in roles like Deputy Commander of the world’s largest fighter wing, Director of Comms for Special Operations in Afghanistan, and Commander of an award-winning communications squadron. Today, he’s a bestselling author, speaker, podcaster, and creator of Pirate Leadership—a framework built around bold thinking, self-mastery, and decision-making under pressure.

When I asked Atlas how civilians can build a stronger mindset and become more resilient, he didn’t start with tactics or routines. He started with something deeper—identity. And the people around you.

Start by Asking the Hardest Question

“The people around you are the most important thing."” (Atlas Aultman)

Billionaires often say their biggest lesson came late: they didn’t really know the people closest to them—because they never slowed down long enough to ask. Atlas explained that once these high-level leaders finally reach extreme success, they become fluent in deeper conversations. They start asking questions like:

What are your passions? Who are you really?

Most people never pause to ask themselves those questions—let alone answer them.

“They have to be asked that question. Do you know who are you? Can you answer that question?”
—Atlas Aultman

Atlas makes it clear: self-awareness is the starting point. Before you build resilience or grit, you need to understand who you are and what drives you. Before you can lead others—or even lead yourself—you need to define your identity.

You Only Get One Round

“You only get one round at this life, and you got to keep fighting until you win. So what is it that you're trying to win? And a lot of people aren't asking themselves that question.” —Atlas Aultman

Your mindset can’t grow without direction. Resilience requires clarity. When life gets hard (and it will), you’ll need something deeper than just motivation. You’ll need purpose.

Atlas challenges us to get brutally honest:

• What are you trying to win?

• What does success look like for you—not someone else?

• Are you clear on your personal mission?

The Company You Keep

“And you know what is determining their outcomes? The people around them. So you look for people that you want to be like. You look for people that have targets that they're hitting. You look for people with success and positivity, the qualities that you want in your life. Those are the people that should be around you. Your network is your net worth, right?” —Atlas Aultman

Atlas isn’t talking about surface-level networking. He’s talking about your inner circle—the people whose energy, mindset, and standards you absorb by proximity. If you want to elevate your mindset, you need to elevate your environment.

Surround yourself with people who:

• Challenge your thinking

• Hold themselves to high standards

• Know who they are—and push you to ask the same

Lessons Learned

Atlas’s wisdom is simple, direct, and often overlooked:

• Clarity fuels resilience. If you don’t know who you are, you’ll break the first time life pushes back.

• Your circle matters. The people around you will either sharpen you—or stunt you.

• Purpose is personal. Figure out what you’re trying to win in life, and build your fight around that.

Success, strength, and leadership don’t happen by accident. They begin with reflection—and grow with intention.

Takeaway for You:

If you want to build a stronger mindset:

1. Look in the mirror. Ask yourself, Who am I? What am I really trying to do with this life?

2. Audit your circle. Who are you spending time with? Are they moving you closer to your mission—or distracting you from it?

3. Define your win. You only get one shot at this life. Make sure you're clear on what you’re fighting for.

Your identity sets your direction. Your people shape your pace.
And your purpose? That’s what gives your mindset its edge.