10: Choosing Your Hard - Nick Lavery
Weaponizing Discomfort: How Strategic Suffering Builds Resilience
Nick Lavery is a Green Beret, combat-wounded warrior, and a living example of resilience. After losing his leg in Afghanistan, he defied expectations by returning to operational duty—a feat nearly unheard of in Special Forces. Today, he speaks, writes, and teaches on leadership, mental toughness, and the relentless pursuit of excellence.
Nick’s approach to resilience is direct and uncompromising: life is hard—period. The key is choosing your hard and using it to build a foundation of unshakable strength. His philosophy isn’t about avoiding discomfort; it’s about seeking it strategically, training for the inevitable, and weaponizing adversity to become stronger.
Choosing Your Hard
“Life is hard. Period. All stop. We just have to simply decide what hard we choose. And if you choose your hard, you get much more control over it.” (Nick Lavery)
Nick doesn’t sugarcoat reality. Hardships will come whether you prepare for them or not. Either you’re in a storm, coming out of one, or heading into the next one. That’s life—it never stops.
But there’s power in choosing discomfort before it chooses you. When you deliberately put yourself in difficult situations—whether it’s waking up earlier, training harder, or having the tough conversations you’ve been avoiding—you build proof that you can handle adversity. Then, when life throws something unexpected your way, you already have evidence-based truth that you can push through.
Finding Your Discomfort Zone
“What do you dislike doing that, if you're honest with yourself it will provide you value. Is it reading? Do it. Is it waking up earlier? Do it. Is it exercise? Cold tubs? Difficult conversations? Prioritizing family over work? Take a hard look at your life and ask: What opportunities am I missing to flex deliberate and strategic discomfort?” (Nick Lavery)
Resilience is a skill—one that requires practice. Nick challenges us to identify the areas where we avoid discomfort and intentionally lean into them. This isn’t about suffering for suffering’s sake. It’s about strategic discomfort—training your mind and body so that when unexpected challenges arise, you’re ready.
The key is balance. Push yourself, but don’t push so far that it becomes reckless. It’s a constant process of adjusting, refining, and chasing the next threshold of growth.
Lessons Learned
“If you think that just by sitting around and letting life dictate your degree of mental toughness and resilience, that it's going to happen at all—if it happens, it's going to happen at such a snail’s pace that it will, I would argue, be essentially irrelevant.” (Nick Lavery)
Resilience isn’t built passively—it requires deliberate effort. If you want to be tougher, you must actively seek challenges that force growth.
Iron sharpens iron. If you want to be more resilient, you have to deliberately seek out challenges that force growth.Whether that’s through physical exertion, mental discipline, or navigating difficult social and professional situations, resilience is earned, not given.
Nick’s philosophy is clear:
Discomfort is the training ground for resilience. You can’t wait for hardships to find you—you must choose your hard.
Mental toughness is developed, not inherited. Every time you push yourself past your comfort zone, you’re proving that you can handle more than you thought.
Strategic suffering leads to strength. When done with purpose and consistency, discomfort becomes a tool for building an unshakable mindset.
Takeaway for You:
Nick’s lesson is simple, but not easy:
Choose your hard – Life is tough no matter what. You can either train for it or get blindsided by it.
Find your discomfort zone – Identify what you avoid but know would make you stronger. Then do it.
Train with purpose – Push your limits, but don’t be reckless. Resilience grows when you challenge yourself intentionally and consistently.
Resilience is not a passive trait—it’s an active pursuit. Seek strategic discomfort, push through adversity, and prove to yourself that you can handle anything life throws your way.
Words of wisdom, wisdom gained from experience. Even better though, demonstrated by living, struggling, fighting and winning. My father was a POW during the second war and survived a march that few of his fellow prisoners did. Anytime I start to feel sorry for myself or struggle, I think of what he went through and realize quitting is not an option. You’ve given us an example of a man who had every excuse to quit, yet didn’t. Thank you.
Excellent material - resilience is a learned skill that comes only from engaging the HARD!